A Walk in the Dust

“Walk in the Dust” is a day during which someone on our staff walks in the footsteps of many of our outreach guests. Most recently, our Follow-Up Care Coordinator, Nelson Maldonado, had the opportunity to Walk in the Dust and he shared his experience with us:

I tried thinking about how best to organize my feelings about yesterday's experience. This will not be a summary of what I did. It will be an expression of moments and feelings that God let me experience—almost always to my surprise. To preface all this: the evening before WITD, I prayed to God that He would allow me to just feel. Just the day before I had a chat with Josiah, our Chief Program Officer, and he asked me what he could pray about for me. I told him to please pray that I would slow down in my work and really take time to empathize with our guests. I felt like I was just getting caught up in ‘work’ and not reflecting on its meaning. Honestly, I wasn’t even thinking about Walk in the Dust yet, because at this point I still didn’t know what it really was! That concern, coupled with Brett, our Director of Operations, emailing me with the details encouraged me to pray that evening that God would open my heart to all the feelings that our guests may feel on a given day. I was excited for the opportunity to walk in our guests’ shoes and to ultimately be better at what I do so I can more holistically love them. As I write this, I can’t help but think about Jesus, who descended into our world, taking the form of man. Though His love was already perfect, and how much He loved us, He wanted to feel our sorrows and carry our griefs by being one of us. That way, He could sympathize and understand our weaknesses.

I walked out that morning with an empty backpack, minimal ID and the clothes on my back. Immediately I felt like each thing was precious. I kid you not—I had a napkin in my pocket and even that felt precious to me. God enabled me to forget that I still had an apartment full of stuff. I had nothing. And then Brett handed me a sleeping bag. I got pretty emotional at that moment, specifically feeling sadness. That sleeping bag meant I had no home. On the train, I saw a man sleeping the whole time we were on it. I’m pretty sure he was experiencing homelessness. He had a large, full backpack. It might be everything he owned, and I could relate just a little bit more on this day. I understood why someone might be very protective of their stuff. I also felt sleepy on this train. And another guy experiencing homelessness hopped on the train at some point and just layed out on the seat to sleep. I was able to empathize much more. I thought to myself, “Let this man sleep. Who knows how hard his day has been”. I stayed in the same spot the whole ride because it was comfortable. It felt safe. I was further away from everyone. I reflected on the importance of feeling comfortable and safe, and how important that would be for our friends on the street. 

I had a lot of time after that ride before I went to a partner we commonly refer guests towards. I reflected on a lot of questions. I was hungry, but where do I find breakfast? Unfortunately, I missed the only breakfast listed on the resource guide. I wondered how hard it is to find breakfast. I also had no phone, so suddenly I had to figure out HOW to get to there, meaning how do I navigate the city? I’ve lived here for 5 years and still wasn’t 100% sure of myself. Imagine someone new to the city? Bathrooms were another challenge! Downtown especially. It was these things that we take for granted that Brett helped me to reflect on and I thought about them the entire day. Where can I get food and where can I go to the bathroom?

Walking to connect with my first partner referral, I certainly felt like I stood out with my sleeping bag. I didn’t help that it was bright red (thanks, Brett)! I would feel this way the whole day. I wished I could hide the bag and tell people I’m not really homeless! But I couldn’t. I felt a bit of shame and embarrassment carrying my sleeping bag. Once I got there, I was not seen for my referral. They were too busy and asked me to come back tomorrow. That was a great lesson for me. To feel being turned away after a long morning. It will add to my thought process now when I speak to guests and consider referrals. The same thing happened to me at my second referral. I was not received there and they just referred me to Bellevue, the city’s shelter intake center. Brett helped me to process through this—how thoughtful are we about our referrals? What does a guest feel when a referral goes south? I thought about how important it is to calibrate expectations. We don’t want to give our guests all the hope in the world, only for them to encounter walls. How important it is for us to over communicate what the experience could be, and even present back-up plans for them. In doing so, we are keeping ourselves accountable and hopefully building honest relationships with our guests. Ones where they can trust us.

Our City Relief mobile outreach center was such a contrast to all the other referrals. Just being outdoors feels positive (weather permitting). And all our staff was welcoming, contributing to a warm atmosphere. What I did notice though is that it is pretty chaotic. For a new guest especially, Chelsea Park outreach can be intimidating. And it takes a brave person to speak up and find out what is going on and all the resources available to them. I thought about how representatives at street corners greeting and informing everyone who walks by could be super helpful. I thought about how we could be more intentional about having signs or other forms of communication in Spanish. I don’t want anyone to walk by or walk away not knowing why we’re here and what we are doing. It is a blessing how welcoming and friendly we are, but I know I personally can do more to make sure each person is greeted and informed.

I thought even more about our referral process when I was at Bellevue. Bellevue is in my own personal neighborhood. Just knowing the area made me feel more comfortable about being there. I don’t think I’ve ever considered location and neighborhood as a ‘filter’ when considering referrals for guests. But now I understand its importance. What a difference it can be to go somewhere you know, especially if a referral doesn’t work out. It’s worth asking these questions: What neighborhood do you stay in? Where did you grow up? What neighborhood do you NOT want to go to? Furthermore, I thought about asking if they have any previous experiences with the referral we are giving, and asking specific questions like: Would you try again? What didn’t you like? Would you refer a friend there?

I had lots of downtime between referrals, which gave me plenty of time to think. I also felt how tired I was. Throughout the day I thought about bathrooms, food, and water. Basic needs, but when they are in question, I realized how they can occupy your mind. Water especially. I had no water bottle to fill up when I found a water fountain. How much a difference that could make if we gave everyone water bottles! I also reflected on the role of City Relief within the greater social services realm in NYC. We could simply just make referrals. We could simply just give food. People have physical, tangible needs and we could meet them. But I also acknowledged the mental and emotional needs I had. The need for support. I had Brett, thankfully, but I imagined someone doing this alone. And what happens if referrals don’t work out? How would that make me feel? What if I am so tired and just want to give up? While we (City Relief) can’t be “Brett” and physically be there with someone for 16 hours, I believe that we do want to be a support network for our friends. In addition to our services, we WANT to care for people. That feels just as important as what we physically give out. Our words of encouragement matter. The phone calls from follow up matter. Our consistency matters. Nevertheless this is an area of focus that we should STILL always want to invest in and make better. I believe it will make all the difference for our guests. 

There are more moments and feelings I could speak to, but I’ll wrap up by saying this: it was a unique experience that we should continue doing with our staff. I learned so much. All it takes is an open mind and a surrender to God to let Him teach you. He certainly was faithful. And thanks to Brett for being a steadfast partner in all of this!

Nelson Maldonado, City Relief Follow-Up Care Coordinator.