Finding the Good.

This month’s Street Story comes from our Director of Outreach, Lauren Lee. Lauren just celebrated her 5 year anniversary of working with City Relief on our outreach team. Her story is about assumptions and misconceptions that we often bring with us, and how people are always more than they appear.

We make assumptions from the minute we wake up to the moment we drift off to sleep each night, often even in our dreams. Sometimes it's hard not to, especially since we’re taught how the world works through other people for most of our lives.

That’s exactly what I did the first time I met David. He had parked his wheelchair in the middle of the sidewalk, directly in front of our bus at Chelsea Park. An empty cup was resting between his two palms atop his propped up knees. He wasn’t begging, but the silent implication was there. Everything about his demeanor, down to his overly bundled attire, told me that he was homeless, because that’s what I had always been taught homelessness looked like. All of the stereotypes indicated that this would be the truth.

You can imagine the physical pang of immediate regret I felt when I asked him if he needed anything and he told me he was just looking, and that he wasn’t homeless. “I’m not mad at you,” he said immediately. “I’m glad you did that; it means that you’re aware. You should have assumed that. At least you were honest.”

He silenced every apology that I had. I felt embarrassed until he told me that he understood why I thought that, and questioned what would've happened had I been uncertain and decided not to offer my assistance at all. What if he actually was homeless? What would happen then? “I was homeless, so thank you,” David then said. “I was for about 13 years, in and out living on the streets and staying at Catholic shelters. So, I appreciate your gesture.” We continued to talk and David told me that the shelter life wasn’t always easy, and for those in the same financial position as him, the ones run by state funding were the hardest for him to survive in because of the poor living conditions, according to his experience.

“You really want to get out, but you can’t get no sleep, have to sleep with one eye open, with people stealing and fighting, sitting around and looking at TV all day. It’s crazy,” he said. “In the city, it’s a business, anyone can get in.” David met the requirements time and time again, but still found it difficult to get ahead because of the living conditions he was forced to endure. With nowhere else to turn, David wondered where he was supposed to go for help.

He eventually found his peace within the walls of shelters run by Catholic churches, which, according to him, were the most ready and able to provide him with the services he needed to obtain housing.

He’s been in his own place for five years now. Living off of Social Security Income, he says that it’s hard to keep up with his bills but he’s proud that he’s able to be doing this for himself. There are still times he’s struggling to make ends meet and he’ll silently park himself on the curb, cup in hand, and save what money is given to him. “I remember that when I was homeless, I was doing this full-time,” he said, rattling the change in the cup resting in his lap. “I was living under a bridge at one time. I wasn’t doing what everybody else was doing (drugs) and I had to find a way to survive on a daily basis.”

Living on the streets was hard for David. Dealing with the stigma attached to being homeless made it even more difficult, but it never stopped him from seeing the good in everyone.

“I’ve had people walk past and look at me and the first thing they’ll do is reach for their wallets, but then something will stop them and they’ll put their hands back in their pockets, and that’s OK! That doesn’t mean that that’s a bad person, that person had a good heart, from the very beginning he must have heard God, he must have wanted to help,” said David.

“Maybe it’s peer pressure. Who knows what it is, especially when they’re with somebody, that’s when it usually happens. Image sometimes can mean more than who you really are,” he said. “That’s a good person, who automatically wanted to help. That’s God, because he talks to you here,” David paused and landed his hand on his chest. “I understand how hard it is to break social norms and don't see this fight or flight reaction as a weakness. That first initial instinct to reach into your pocket and help others is what restores my faith in people.”

And for the people who do support him, he says, “It helps you to see humanity, it helps you to see that most people are good, not bad, or evil, or selfish, and most people have their own problems, too. That’s the amazing thing right there.”

A year ago, David met his friend Paul (just up the block), who helped him see the good in people. They weren’t always friends though. Every morning before his corporate job, Paul would stop at Dunkin Donuts, and David would panhandle in front, but they never exchanged words.

“Back when I was homeless, I asked him one time for a hand out, [although] I never ask now. I’m not going to do that now,” David said. “It’s gotten to the point where I believe that I don’t have to ask people; that’s how I know people are good. I only asked him once; I asked him to buy me a sausage, egg, and cheese sandwich. He turned around and he looked, and he turned back around and went in. He didn’t buy me anything,” he said.

David didn’t take it personally that day, and for over a year he continued to see Paul every morning when he got his morning coffee. He always looked at him, but never bought him anything. That was okay. He never asked him again. He could tell that he was a good guy and believed that if he wanted to, he would.

Over time, they became friends and talked every day. David never expected anything from him, but he became someone Paul could talk to about his job and his life.

Then, one day, something changed.

“To this day he’s my friend; I get emotional when I think about him,” David said, his throat tightening up with emotion. “He went in one day, and he came back out with a sausage, egg, and cheese sandwich and an iced tea.”

“He handed me the sandwich, the iced tea, and an envelope. There was a $100 bill in that envelope,” he choked. “He never gave me anything before, and it didn’t matter. The conversations we had were enriching.”

 “Paul said, ‘You know why I’m giving you this? I don’t normally do that.’ And I understood that. Some people are taught to use this, instead of this,” Derrick said pointing to his head, and then to his chest.

At City Relief we regularly find that we cannot solve everyone’s problems. Sometimes it’s the timing. Other times it’s because we don’t have what’s needed in the moment. But as in the case with David and Paul, often just being a friend makes the difficult times more bearable till the solution comes our way.